I’m in the midst of a season where I feel like all I say to God is, “Really?” While the question is the same, the tone, I confess, changes. Sometimes it’s laced with saracasm as in, “Really, God? You’re kidding, right?” Other times it’s asked in awe. The picture above reflects one of those moments this summer when, with wonder and humility, I said to God, “Really?” My book, Words, was a Christy Award double-finalist, and won the Christy for Best Debut Novel. I was awed. But, even following moments like that, I still utter the occassional, “Really, God? You’re kidding, right?” It saddens my heart to admit this truth… 

Last month, after struggling through multiple surgeries the past year, odd diagnoses, fatigue, and frustration, I returned home from a weekend retreat…sick. And with blood pressure numbers soaring skyward. Throughout the year, I’d had moments where I questioned God, but not with sarcasm or anger. But as a call to my doctor led to one appointment, and then another, and another, I broke.

“Really? You’re serious?” With chocking tears, I slung my question not only at God, but also to my spiritual mentor and friend, James. During our conversation, James’ reminded me that my relationship with God has never been marked by ease. In fact, it is through the struggles and suffering that a deep and abiding intimacy with God has developed.

An intimacy I wouldn’t trade for anything. Not good health or pain-free living. It is the pain, both emotional and physical, that have shattered my shell of pretense with God and made my relationship with Him real.

God is my friend, and I believe I am His friend. And in those moments, which are becoming rare, when I shoot my sarcasm in God’s direction, He loves me still. 

He loves me.

With wonder and humility, I ask Him again, “Really?”

Yes, really.

What about you? Have your conversations with God included the same question? What’s your tone?

 

4 thoughts on “Really?

  • September 13, 2012 at 6:53 AM
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    Okay…wow. I thought I might be the only one gutsy (or dumb) enough to “sling” REALLY?!?? at God.
    It’s been a phrase I’ve uttered at Him much over the last…ugh really?!…THREE years. But increasingly so in the last three weeks until I just broke and gave up and said “okay” to Him, to circumstances I can’t control, to possibly having hope.
    I think mostly, my “reallys” over the last bit have assured me that He is here. With me. Beside me. When everything is wonky wrong. Right there.
    And even through there is a boatload of crud I want Him to stop, I’m learning that He allows in His wisdom what He can easily prevent by His power. Which turns my Really? into REALLY!!!!
    Thanks Ginny…so good.

    Reply
    • September 13, 2012 at 6:57 AM
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      No, you’re not the only one gutsy (or dumb) enough! 🙂 Glad I’m not alone. And I’m grateful God engages in REAL conversation with us. Amazing!

      Reply
  • September 13, 2012 at 9:20 AM
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    Yes, I’ve had those conversations!

    Really, God? You want me to do what?????????

    Really, God? That’s what you mean by that verse??????

    Really, God? This is what you were trying to tell me all along? Why didn’t you tell me it would be so great? What? You did? Oh.

    Really, God? I love you too.

    Reply

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