I woke this morning with a searing pain in my throat and a fog of discouragement hovering over my mind and heart. Why am I here? Orlando and the International Christian Retailers Show? I arrived in the wee hours on Sunday morning and have only left my hotel room to venture to a nearby pharmacy to pick up a prescription–an antibiotic for strep throat. Yesterday’s interviews were cancelled, today I’ve already missed coffee with my publishing group, and participating on an author panel.
After walking with God for 45 years, I’m learning when discouragement tempts, I need to turn to Him. Immediately. So I posed my question: Why am I here? And then came my tears. Honesty with God, the freedom to speak my confusion or heartache, often lead to a cleansing cry. Soon I recalled a quote I’d read last week from It’s Not All About Me by Max Lucado: “My pain expands God’s purpose.”
I recalled the pain I’ve experienced during the last four years–the end of my 29 year marriage, the loss of home, comfort, and all familiar to me, seven surgeries, financial struggles, etc. In the midst of recollecting, I heard the Spirit whisper: Do you trust me?
Yes, Lord, I trust You.
Even when you don’t understand My ways?
I paused. This is a familiar question. A lesson in the making through the last four years. Do I trust God when He doesn’t make sense to me? When all seems wasted?
Yes, Lord, I trust You…even when I don’t understand.
So why do I find myself in bed, in a strange city, down with strep throat rather than participating in the events I came to attend?
I don’t know.
But He knows.
And perhaps in the mystical way of God, He will use my pain to expand His purpose…
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Ginny L. Yttrup
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- I Don’t Understand… July 16, 2012I woke this morning with a searing pain in my throat and a fog of discouragement hovering over my mind and heart. Why am I here? Orlando and the International Christian Retailers Show? I arrived in the wee hours on Sunday morning and have only left my hotel room to venture to a nearby pharmacy […]Ginny L. Yttrup
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Wow, Ginny, that sorta sounds like my story. God asked me the same question, over and over and over, until I actually gave Him my trust instead of just saying “Of COURSE I trust You. Then He said, “Even if I ask you to move?” Wow. I so didn’t want to move. I loved Phoenix. Didn’t want to move to California–but that’s exactly where my blessings waited.
Did you know you can’t be holy in Phoenix when He wants you to be in California?
I don’t know what He wants in this case, but trust Him. It’s worth it.
He loves you. So do I.
Anne
Ginny, beautiful post, friend. I’ve long been a dues-paying member of the “I-Don’t-Get-It!” club for years. And in every situation, God has always shown that He Is. Even if I still don’t get what He’s doing, I’m learning to trust His character and purpose. Which sometimes means just moving on in trust.
Praying for God’s healing touch and for His blessings to rain down on you.
Congratulations on your award today. I do hope you were well enough to attend the awards ceremony to receive it. I have not read either of your books, but I just viewed your video of introduction for “Words,” and I will be reading it soon. I can tell by your description of your book that I will appreciate it. I have compassion for your comments of your pain of recent years. I am sorry for that pain. I also can tell that you love God, and I know he loves you far more. You have a future and a hope in Him. Jer 29:11 Stand on this verse.
Ginny-
Isn’t this the place many of us find ourselves? While we don’t relish the idea of enduring the uncomfortability of it all, God does(as you and Max said beautifully)use the pain to expand His purpose and do His most glorious work…
My untmost congratulations, dear sister, on a job well done! You are da bomb! I rejoice with you and pray for many more successes in the days ahead…
Fondly,
Brenda Yttrup
A lesson I’m learning as well, Ginny. Mine isn’t so much with pain (physical anyway) as it is trusting when it all seems futile. But I know in Whom I believe and He’s worthy of our trust. 🙂 Praying for you, my friend.
Dear Ginny,
I’m so sorry that discouragement came knocking on your door – even in Orlando! Seems unfair. Not right. Totally wrong. Even though your book won an amazing award yesterday, that doesn’t make up for all the pain and suffering you’ve experienced (both big and small). At least not in my book. And I don’t think it does in God’s book, either.
The one thing I do stand with you on today is Romans 8:28 – your life verse. In fact, the whole chapter of Romans 8!
I’m so glad that your discouragement led you right back to God, and I’m standing with you today, believing that even though we don’t understand Him, He is good. Even though He allows suffering in our lives, He is still in control. Even though we walk through dark valleys, He is always with us.
Someday we may understand it all – but until that time, I’m praying He helps you lean into Him today – and that He brings quick healing.
much love to you, my friend,
Linda
late on this one, have been gone, too. The devil really tried to keep you from going to Florida and then attending the meeting!!!!! but God always wins!!!!!!! and SO DID YOU!!!!! so proud of you….don’t stop!!!!!!
I didn’t know about the past four years, marriage and 7 surgeries. the surgeries alone is probably stories of survival and how God walked you through. I hope someday you can share. meanwhile show off that award for us!!!!! oh yea!!!!!!
I didn’t see this at the time, but my heart ached for you knowing you were feeling so cruddy.
I sooo get what you have written. I have had to learn many times that God does not consult me when He’s directing my life – or anyone else’s! LOL
I was so glad you got to be at the Christy dinner to receive your award, even though you cratered afterward.
And I will treasure the memory of our Tuesday dinner for a long time to come.